Friday, October 02, 2009

Laura Mayes' Thoughts on Being Two People

Thoughts on Being Two People

I feel that I need to start by saying, it's basically insane that I'm on Gabby's blog talking about pregnancy or having children. Because, G is the first person I'd call if I had ever a question about either. In other words, you should not ask me. And if you do, I'll just ask her anyway.

But here are two things I know about being pregnant:

1. Wear a bathing suit whenever possible. Seriously. Wear it around the house. Wear it to church. Whatever. I mean, you're probably hot (temperature wise) anyway, especially as you get further along, so it helps with that. And, also, you're totally looking hot (smokin' hot wise) because a.) you're glowing, everyone is telling you this and b.) your giant stomach makes your backside look smaller. Think about it. You've really never looked better, so wear that tankini to Target. Trust me on this one.

2. Enter as many strength competitions as possible. Now's your time. Because you're not just a giant person, you're two giant people. And two giant people can kick one giant person's arse (is it okay to say arse on here?) every time. You will win every wrestling match you enter. I guarantee it. Because besides your gargantuan-ness, no one wants to say they beat the pregnant chick. Bad form. They'll totally make you feel like you won. And really, you have.

Thoughts on Being a Mother

This part gets a little more serious, because face it, there's nothing more serious than sleep loss. And here's a little preview of something that's included in the upcoming Kirtsy Takes a Bow book that's coming out late this month. Watch for it. It includes essays, photographs, tweets, ideas, and input on all of the nine Kirtsy categories (Arts & Entertainment; Design & Crafts; Family & Parenting; Fashion & Style; Food & Home; Internet & Technology; Mind, Body & Spirit; Travel & Leisure; Politics, World & Business) from more than 100 bloggers, including Mrs. Blair, here. But here's the one I submitted. You saw it on Design Mom first:

What Makes A Mother?

Someone recently asked me, "What Makes You a Mother?" And here I am coming up on my second Mother's Day as a mom, and I have no idea how to answer this question.

Because obviously there isn't an answer.

At least if there is, I don't completely understand it.

After all, it's not about being pregnant and having a baby. Because of course, you don't need to do these two things to be a mother. That said, I've been pregnant three times. I have one beautiful son. And even as I type this, I'm literally shedding tears for the other two babies I lost. Because I was their mother. And I celebrate them too this weekend.

It's also not about doing anything. Because there are a million ways to do everything, and I'm guessing at least 96% of the options are completely valid, good, and right.

So I guess being a mother is mainly about the being. And, as they say, being is mainly about being present in any given moment. But in this moment, as I sit here two days before my second Mother's Day, my precious little boy is spending two days with his grandmother and grandfather, and my husband and I are having our first-ever childless vacation at home. Which means I'm not presently being in any moment with my child. It also means I slept in past 7:30 a.m. for the first time in 19 months. I woke up on my own, without my Hurricane alarm clock. And I made coffee before I changed a diaper. It's been an incredibly lazy morning, just the kind I like.

However, as I sit here drinking that coffee (and typing), I swear I keep thinking I hear the little whimpers my beautiful little son makes when he wakes from a sleepy nap. And then, I realize he's not here right now, and I have that oh darn feeling, like when you wake up from a great dream and realize you aren't really George Clooney's girlfriend. That's what I'm experiencing.

See, even though I can do whatever I want today, I keep thinking about what he's doing. In fact, I'm seriously resisting the urge to call my mom and see what they're doing right now. And I can't wait to see him tomorrow.

Because my thoughts are always with him. And even though my life doesn't revolve around and through him (because that's pressure he doesn't need), his is a very cherished room in our incredibly way full busy, beloved, and blessed house.

And even though on any given day, I would and will daydream for a day like this and remember my open-schedule days of yesteryear with blissful longing and a rose-colored I am.

Enjoying the eye of the storm, but really missing the Hurricane.

Because I'm no longer that person of yesteryear. My heart has added an extra room.

And whether I completely understand it or not, I'm changed.

And that's what makes me a mother.

From Laura of Blog con Queso and Kirtsy.


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Blogger sara said...

Laura that was just so beautiful. Thank you!

Friday, October 2, 2009 at 11:59:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Anderson said...

Just so you know, you made me cry. Yes, I'm pregnant and therefore ridiculously and excessively emotional... but your "what makes a mother" comments made me weep. Also, you're hilarious and an entertaining writer. Way to go. And thanks for sharing.

Friday, October 2, 2009 at 12:03:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Barchbo said...

What a wonderful post! Love it! I'm not a mom but I love reading about it. And, I think you are a great mom.

I so loved that green maternity top! Reminds me of the day I met you to go shopping for maternity clothes. Solidified my belief that no amount of money is too much for designer maternity jeans that make you feel good!

Friday, October 2, 2009 at 12:13:00 PM EDT  
Blogger S. Schuller said...

That's gotta be the cutest baby I've ever seen!

Friday, October 2, 2009 at 1:00:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Marianne & Clayton said...

Great thoughts. And I don't think I have ever seen a more adorable newborn picture ever. Ever. What eyes!

Friday, October 2, 2009 at 1:11:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Kyran said...


Friday, October 2, 2009 at 1:24:00 PM EDT  
Blogger aflora said...

"laughter through tears is my favorite emotion" Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias. I've cried, laughed and sobbed again after reading all the posts about 'pegnancy memories'. Thank you so much, aren't they wonderful, the momories! Congratulations Gabbi!

Friday, October 2, 2009 at 2:00:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous jenny said...

Simply lovely!

Friday, October 2, 2009 at 3:07:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Jenny said...

As I read this with tears in my eyes, I heard my own little one in the next room, waking up from a nap, and that oh so popular whimper of "Mommeee??". Mmmm. It feels good.

Friday, October 2, 2009 at 3:38:00 PM EDT  
Blogger KatiK said...

Beautiful! And I'm so with you on the swimsuit thing.

Friday, October 2, 2009 at 3:55:00 PM EDT  
Blogger lisab said...

beautifully said.

Saturday, October 3, 2009 at 8:09:00 AM EDT  
Blogger karey m. said...

ugh...i thought this was just going to be funny...til i got to the end.

this was beautiful. plus hilarious. well done.

Saturday, October 3, 2009 at 10:42:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Amanda said...

I'm not pregnant, but am a mom, and you made me tear up too. I can very very much relate with this article. I loved the closing lines - it wrapped up the thought perfectly.

Sunday, October 4, 2009 at 2:00:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Mary Jones said...

What a perfect articulation of motherhood. Thank you for putting this cherished chaos into words.

Monday, October 5, 2009 at 10:10:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Tammy said...

Love this!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009 at 10:38:00 PM EDT  
Blogger suzanjill said...

I love the part of "what makes a mother" - I too was pregannt before and lost my first little one when I was pregnant at 8 mos. I'm currently pregnant now and am so blessed to have been the mother of my angel baby and now a mother to the baby I'm carrying. Thank you for sharing - you brought tears to my eyes.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009 at 2:10:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Silly Swedish Skier Says So said...

A 6 monthish pregnant chic totally scored a goal during an indoor soccer game against a team I played for. It was crazy. No one can defend against the pregnant belly.

Monday, October 12, 2009 at 6:39:00 PM EDT  

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