Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Liz Fuller's Pregnancy Memories

When I was pregnant with my Sylvia, I watched the corn fields near our home grow just as she was growing in my belly. As they grew a little taller, my belly got a little bigger.

I was having a girl.

A true tom boy at heart myself with two boys at home, I felt scared to have a girl. I was worried I wouldn't know how to fix her hair. And bread, I didn't even know how to make home made bread! The endless list of traditional feminine skills I never had interest in learning began to suffocate me. I worried I would not be ideal for her. That surely this gender was misplaced into the wrong family, didn't the stork know I can't even twist together a respectable French braid!? I was concerned this little girl of mine would find me a big fat disappointment in the department of any and all things female.

The corn was getting taller and that meant she was coming soon. And I still had not learned how to bake bread! I remember being at the mall one day and selecting a first purchase just for her. A little red pair of shoes. It sounds silly for a little treasure like that to change my heart, but it did. I began to realize I had a lot to offer her, after all. That no matter who she would become or interests she would have, I would do what all mothers do best. Support her in her life. From astrology to fashion, arithmetic to nail polish I will guide her in her interests just as I do with my boys and their Bakugans.

Most importantly I will continue to work at being a good person, always refining my character as I lead these children by constant example.

My favorite moments during my third pregnancy were each and every time I thought of her. What she might be like and what her interests might be one day. What a privilege it is to be her mommy. And who knows, maybe one day she'll be teach me how to bake bread.

From Liz Fuller of Backward's Attraction.


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

This brought tears to my eyes. The worry. And the red shoes. And I love the feminine, pink baby photo.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 10:59:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Mom in Mendon said...

Where are the cornfields? They remind me of the rural areas of Southern California.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 11:00:00 PM EDT  
Blogger jen said...

i have yet to comment on any of these beautiful pregnancy memories ... but i sit here on the eve of finding out i'm having a ... boy. after two beautiful girly-girls ... and i've spent the entire day crying ... not because i'm upset. but because ... i don't know boy things.
so ... thank you for sharing that i'm not the only one in this third baby dilemma. you have no idea how much it means to me right now to not feel so alone in my thoughts.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 11:06:00 PM EDT  
Blogger liz said...

Anonymous- thanks.

Mom in M- The East Valley in AZ. I so wish I was in Southern CA. ;-)

Jen- you are SO not alone. I had a friend tell me she had the same feelings, too, so it's really not just us!!! It was like a huge balloon of fear and guilt lifted.

Thursday, October 1, 2009 at 12:05:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Design Mom said...

Liz, I still think I'm not as good a mother to my daughters as I am to my sons.

I find it's easier for me to lose patience with my girls. Sort of like, ladies, you can't fool me. I'm a girl too. I know some of this crying and emotion is a show.

Luckily, Ben is the opposite. More patient with the girls. So it all equals out. : )

Thursday, October 1, 2009 at 11:45:00 AM EDT  
Blogger The Bee Hive said...

So good to read this! We are having our first daughter after two fun, busy, dirty boys! I'm in shock and scared out of my mind as I know they are so much more complex! Thanks for making me feel like I'm not a bad mom for being scared!

Thursday, October 1, 2009 at 4:21:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Cafe Johnsonia said...

I loved reading this, Liz. You are such a good mommy. And your Sylvie is going to have mad skillz on a skateboard. That's cooler than making homemade bread. :)

Monday, October 5, 2009 at 10:52:00 AM EDT  

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