Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Practical Pregnancy Advice from Jenny the Bloggess



Advice for women who are too pregnant to function anymore:


Inevitably your
husband will come home to find you unable to move under the weight of this gigantic fetus you are carrying and will want to know why the house is a mess and dinner isn't made and then you'll want to stab him because this is all his fault but you don't have the energy to find a clean knife.

And
you'll want to explain how completely exhausting being pregnant is but men never understand so whenever Victor would say "How can you be tired? You hardly did anything today!" I'd respond, "I made someone's ear canals today. Inside my stomach. Without even using my hands. What did you do today? Paperwork? God, how exhausting. I MADE SOMEONE'S NERVOUS SYSTEM."

Then my husband would walk away, suitably impressed. Or scared.
Either way he left me alone. And this is how you have a successful marriage.

from Jenny the Bloggess.

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46 Comments:

Blogger hannah said...

Too funny!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 12:26:00 PM EDT  
Blogger jomama said...

ha ha! this is hilarious! i'm totally going to read this to my husband.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 12:32:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Barchbo said...

Too funny! And by funny, I mean TRUE! I'll excuse my pregnant friends almost anything - they're growing a second brain!!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 12:39:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous AmyBloob said...

I didn't make dinner because I was too busy building an esophagus. I am going to milk this for the next four months until I pop this baby out. BEST. ADVICE. EVER.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 12:57:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Barchbo said...

PS: I don't think it often gets overlooked that in addition to being witty and hilarious, The Bloggess is also very pretty!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 1:03:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Danny Boy and Us said...

Love it!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 1:13:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Design Mom said...

Barchbo, I was thinking the same thing. The Bloggess is gorgeous.

Smart + funny + pretty = Jenny is a triple threat.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 1:34:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck said...

I am pregnant with #4 right now, and have used that same phrase on my husband through all 4 pregnancies. Him: "What did you do today?". Me: "Made ears and eyes. How about you?". He also was impressed. Love it!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 1:35:00 PM EDT  
Blogger ClumberKim said...

Suddenly those books with notes about what develops make sense! Too bad I'm not having any more kids.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 1:50:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Ashlee said...

I really love all these posts. I love that motherhood is cool here. And celebrated. And childbirth and morning sickness and being too large to move are cherished memories.
Thank you!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 2:00:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Blondie said...

hahahaha, The Bloggess in true form, as always.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 2:01:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Vic DaChick | Vster88 said...

I have to remember this for the next time I get knocked up.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 2:01:00 PM EDT  
Blogger karmapearl said...

True story:

One day, while sitting on my big, fat, pregnant ass (actually it wasn't all that big and fat yet, I think I was about 15 weeks) at work a male coworker jokingly kept poking fun at me for sitting around doing nothing. I finally gave him the PREGNANT LADY GLARE OF DEATH and said, "I'm making a human. What did YOU do today?!"

And then everyone laughed at him and I gave everyone high fives.

That all actually happened, minus the high-fives.

The high fives might have happened in my head, though.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 2:02:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Sarah Fowler said...

A friend of mine the other day was feeling guilty that her husband was building a crib and a rocking horse and she "hadn't made anything for the baby". I reminded her that she was MAKING the BABY and she felt better. :-)

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 2:02:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Abby said...

you're friggin amazing. writing this down for future reference. RIGHT NOW.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 2:06:00 PM EDT  
Blogger MammaMania said...

I never thought of that! What a great way to explain it to someone. I so missed the boat on this!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 2:06:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Diggertoo said...

Unlurking to say - Dead on! Where were you when I was preggers? I would have just sent my husband to your site!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 2:08:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Chantal said...

I would laugh except this makes me wanna cry. Why is it that husbands are the only ones who don't say to you "your pregnant woman, take it easy" Oh noooooooo. A bit a sore point today after I lugged 3 loads groceries to the basement storage while hubby dressed the kids for bed. I think those tasks should have been reversed:(

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 2:12:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Princess Ang-hamin said...

yup, i'll be using that on my dh tonight ;) love it!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 2:32:00 PM EDT  
Blogger KJ said...

truth. they have no idea how difficult it is to make eyelashes and fingernails. no idea whatsoever.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 2:41:00 PM EDT  
Blogger sania said...

Ah, it's good to know that I too have a successful marriage. So funny and totally relatable. ;)

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 3:06:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Kara said...

I'm going in to deliver tomorrow... 5am. Wish I could have thought of this during the last month!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 3:11:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh, I love Jenny! Good reminder, although I don't plan on making a baby again any time soon, I am still making breastmilk, however. And it is exhausting.

Steph

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 3:13:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Rick Bucich said...

Daddy here, going to have my wife read this so she knows I read it:)

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 3:14:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Melissa Stover said...

so true. that has to be why pregnancy is so exhausting.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 3:17:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Carol F. said...

LOL Awesome!!!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 3:42:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous erika said...

So funny! I'm definitely going to remember this.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 4:02:00 PM EDT  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

I'm going to get preggers just so I can say, "I MADE SOMEONE'S NERVOUS SYSTEM and win an argument for once.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 4:27:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Heather said...

Oh dear, this is TOO funny - I laughed out loud!

And I agree with Barchbo - wish I looked that fantastic after having my babies!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 6:12:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous bdaiss said...

Bah hahahahaha! I love this! And being 36 weeks pregnant I'm taking it home to show my husband. : )

Leave me alone. I'm busy building a nervous system. *snerk*

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 6:21:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Scribbit said...

Jenny you crack me up--if your husband won't hang around I will. Just for the fun.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 6:50:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is the best!
love it! i was laughing the whole time and then had to share it with my mom.
thanks for sharing!
:)

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 7:01:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Leasha said...

oh man, can i relate to all these pregnancy memories...I am 9 months pregnant and oh so ready to pop! keep them coming!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 7:16:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Melanie said...

I teared up I laughed so hard. I finished my pregnancy 4 months ago but I still feel that way! ha ha

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 7:55:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Susan said...

Thank you for the great laugh! Rest as much as you can and take care of yourself!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 7:59:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Tikki said...

Really Funny!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 8:06:00 PM EDT  
Blogger vanessa said...

I hope to be able to use that phrase to my husband again someday--hilarious!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 9:09:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know whether I should be giddy or afraid to know that I said the EXACT same thing to my husband while pregnant.

I would even pause mid-sentence to look up on the internet exactly what it was I was making that day. I still remember that Week 10 is genitals... try to keep a straight face while telling your husband you are creating his future child's naughty-bits!! I dare you!!!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 9:12:00 PM EDT  
Blogger carly k said...

I'm LOLing

Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 4:29:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Lesley said...

Hilarious! I was once told that a pregnant women exerts more energy sitting still than someone climbing a mountain. I used that one alot when pg. :-)

Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 8:22:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Hooper said...

Love it! I am glad to hear someone else contemplate stabbing their husband with a knife! I find much solace in the fact that I am not alone! It is such an incredible thing that happens inside us and so difficult to explain!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 1:28:00 PM EDT  
Blogger amy smart said...

Hah! I loved it. And that same sentiment totally applies after having a baby. Moms get down on themselves so easily, looking at lives of mundane routines that seem to just need to constantly be redone and forget that in that process we are working every day to produce healthy, kind, creative human beings.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 4:00:00 PM EDT  
Blogger tara said...

omg, yes. i wish i could have quoted you 5 months ago.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 4:47:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Kiera said...

I hope you don't mind that I used the ear canal quote as my facebook status. ... this has been a rough pregnancy.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 8:42:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous imelda said...

When I saw Jenny on Sat. and complained how tired I was at 39 weeks pregnant, she mentioned the "making ears" comment and I almost peed my pants I laughed so hard. SO TRUE!

I am now the proud mom of my 3rd child, Jack! :)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009 at 10:58:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love that you must find a clean knife.

Because stabbing your husband with a dirty knife... Well, that's just wrong. XD

Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 1:43:00 PM EDT  

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