Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Marta Dansie's Essay on Pregnancy



I was 5 months pregnant with my first at the time I jotted this down. (Oh, how I had no idea the love I was about to learn!) Here are my thoughts as I contemplated giving life:


Feeling a Brand New Feeling

In my experience, there aren't a whole lot of new feelings to feel after you've grown up. Sure, I believe each experience is it's own, but routinely my life doesn't have a whole lot of brand newness in it. I know how it feels to feel a lot of things. Which I have never given much thought to. Until now.

For example, I know what it feels like to hold a piece of buttered toast, I know chocolate milk in a cold glass, I know corn on the cob between my teeth. I know the ocean waves slamming against my body, I know sand between my toes, I know the hot sun on my face, I know taking a shower with a sunburn. I know what a cold slab of marble feels like against my skin, I know cool grass and sizzling cement on my feet, I know cold rain on my head, I know soap in my eyes, and lemon in my wounds. I know mud in my hair and lotion on my legs. I know unsweetened baking squares in my mouth. I know gusts of wind and feeling winded. I know what it feels like to knead bread and sink my fingers into clay, I know paint on my hands, I know dried plaster on my arms. I know gum in my hair and floss in my teeth. I know the itch of chicken pox and the fear of a nightmare. I know the hurt of a high heel and the sparkle of a diamond. I know pierced ears and glossed lips. I know New York cheesecake and mom's rice pudding. I know the hug of a friend and the loss of a love. I know butterflies of a first kiss, the ache of a sad heart, the tug of a string. I know how it feels to feel elated with joy, to be surprised, to be disappointed, to laugh until I cry, to worry until I'm sick, to blush until I am red. I know forgetting my lines on stage and I know a standing ovation. I know the smell of my grandma's perfume and my dad's shoe polish. I know flying in an airplane and riding in a train car. I know views of the Swiss Alps and I know a baby sleeping on my shoulder.


I know how it feels to feel loved and to be in love.


I didn't appreciate all of these small feelings I've felt until I felt this new feeling for the very first time.

I never want to forget how incredible it feels to feel a little kick from the inside; saying hello. reminding me of the miracle growing inside. Reminding me of the miracles that are all around me. Reminding me of the miracle of new life and the miracle of my life. And how blessed I am.


When he kicks from the inside, I smile every time at this brand new feeling. And realize all the feelings he will have to look forward to. All the feelings I will get to teach him about; like finger painting on butcher paper and rolling cookie dough into shapes and blowing bubbles in the shade and jumping into salty waves of the pacific and learning how to sound out words on the page. I imagine the newness of how it feels to swing on a swing-set and sit on dad's knee and ride a horse and run a race and spit out watermelon seeds and see snowflakes fall and build blanket forts and hear the boom of fireworks. I want him to feel all of these feelings. Because I want to give him the same thrill that his little kicks give me.


I already love him. He will always know the feeling of love.

From Marta Dansie of Marta Writes.

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Note from Design Mom: for the duration of my pregnancy, I'll be posting advice, memories and stories about pregnancy, childbirth, adoption and growing a family on Wednesdays. You can find them all by clicking here. I'd love to hear your story or memory or advice, feel free to submit it to gabrielle@designmom.com.

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11 Comments:

Blogger Hil said...

beautiful, as always with her. i love marta!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010 at 2:10:00 PM EST  
Blogger Design Mom said...

I love this, Marta. There are parts of pregnancy that wear me down. But I don't think I could ever tire of feeling the baby kick and hiccup and move.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010 at 2:17:00 PM EST  
Blogger the emily said...

Beautiful words. I find myself annoyed at how much this baby moves in my current pregnancy. This reminder to remember how exciting it was the first time is heaven-sent. Beautiful.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010 at 2:25:00 PM EST  
Blogger Claire said...

i love this! being 20 weeks this is very timely for me. each kick i feel puts a huge smile on my face.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010 at 4:58:00 PM EST  
Blogger Emily said...

I'm not supposed to miss being pregnant already, my baby is only 7 months old still! This was very beautifully written, thank-you!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010 at 5:17:00 PM EST  
Blogger sheena said...

oh i love this.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010 at 6:42:00 PM EST  
Blogger Tiffany said...

Oh, that Marta! Everything she writes is so lovely and insightful!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010 at 10:03:00 PM EST  
Blogger Motherboard said...

Beautiful! I can't wait to hear Marta in person when she speaks at the casual blogger conference!

Thursday, February 11, 2010 at 3:17:00 AM EST  
Blogger Sarah said...

Beautifully written. Marta has a talent of writing how perfectly I felt being pregnant. I only wish I could express myself that way. I loved being pregnant - almost as much as I love being a mom.

Thursday, February 11, 2010 at 4:32:00 PM EST  
Blogger karey m. said...

yikes. how did i miss this one? it's perfection. almost lost it completely at the oddest moments throughout that second paragraph.

well written. {such. an. understatement.}

Thursday, February 11, 2010 at 6:49:00 PM EST  
Blogger Julianne said...

wow!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010 at 4:24:00 PM EST  

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